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My heart weighs heavy;
I know not what to think.
My worst fears alive,
Pushing (me) towards the brink
of mindless self-loathing, and
sociological despair.
I feel so alone, surrounded by so many.
All I have is me and my own, but
that is the light in the darkness-
I know I won't be left behind.
It's time for me to make my move;
Time for me to shine.

WILAC VIII

WILAC, Family Week One
-"We wanna see neon brown"
-"Doesn't that make her a pole hugger?"
-That's making the list
-Ghost peppers are hot
-Falling off ATVs hurts...
-Jumpercables can spread
-Matches burn twice
-"What shape is that?" "Banana!"
-I curled my hair and brushed my teeth
-Tires are sharp
-Hot hot coffee
-I'm a friend of casteration (intentionally misspelled)
-The name Kendra is growing
-It's probably toy-oxic
-"Wait...is this stuff corrosive?" "Yes" "..."
-Charlie, the dancing snake
-I didn't throw it at him; I threw it and his head got in the way.
-The Craft Store ramp is slippery when wet (Mariah)
-"That's my jugular!"
-There was a hand, who met a foot...
-"Once upon a time there were some maintenance boys. We're still wondering what happened..."
-Mops make a "wamp" sound
-"Chicken breast-random"
-I want to go to Stainless, China
-Ty and butter knives don't mix
-We're all doo-med
-"You move around in your sleep so much, when you wake up, you're in China"

So this week was Family Camp One, which is much different than the normal kids' camp. For starters, us male support staffers are rooming in the basement underneath the new dining hall, dubbed the Program Room. Yup, they put 5 teenage guys in a room full of balls, toys, powertools, and various projectiles. We got along fine at least, three maintenance, one kitchen worker, and one lifeguard. This entails a very long walk up-hill to the showers in the morning :(
Anyhow, we had a little over 110 campers total, and half of them seemed to be kids of all ages. Our schedule was much more relaxed than normal camp, yet we seemed to have so much more work to do (still trying to figure that out). At least we weren't stuck in the Snack Shack for 2 hours in the afternoon averaging about 3 customers (poor errand girls). Instead, we were doing things like staking huge piles of wood, setting up for a garage sale, setting up for a dinner theater, bbq-ing chicken, and all other hard labor you can imagine. My best relaxing time of this week was paintball refereeing on Friday. All I have to do is stand there, make sure they follow the rules (easy with adults), and laugh at their shenanigans (Don't believe I spelled that right on the first try). In one game of capture the flag, I was posted by one of the bases and I see this one man come rushing out of the woods and leap into the air for the flag. One, two, shots in mid -air and he was down. They all looked at me and I was speechless. Basically I said, "I wish I could give it to you but you're out."
So yeah, it was a good week, but tiring. I slept like a log every single night, and Saturday night, I slept for 12 hours straight! Well, that may have been because my mind was trying to forget "Scott Pilgrim VS The World," essentially a waste of $6. It sounded good, but in reality, the movie was just way over-done.
This next week finishes off the summer camp season with Family Camp Two. it hasn't really sunk in with me yet, but I know it will be both sad and relaxing at the same time. Then I have 6 days off (sort of) and then I go off to college.
So yeah, that's it for now

WILAC VII

WILAC-Jr. High Wk 2 (Best week of the summer)
-Soda is good for the soul
-The children burned down
-"Then I was a sign in front of me, and it said 'No smoking seatbelt.' I couldn't get the darn thing to light!"
-The kitchen floor will smell like chocolate pudding forevermore
-Burnt breadstick+whipped cream=awesome
-I can't drive and high-five at the same time (ask Mariah)
-Ty set himself on fire
-I've yet to have a good Tuesday there
-I had the best seat in the dinning hall
-I have a secret admirer
-It is possible to argue over spilled milk
-Candy boxes don't contain candy
-I can now do pull-ups
-"Bass"
-Some people can't dump water coolers
-It's in the refreezerator
-Splinters hurt, especially when under a fingernail
-I can still juggle (unless I have bandaged hands)
-"That sure wasn't diesel!"
-I'm the only one who can do the one-legged cross sit
-I started a matchstick trend
-"Rainbows in the front, let me hear you grunt (huu)
Rainbows in the middle, let me hear you sizzle (szz)
Rainbows in the rear, let me hear you cheer (Woo)
Rockin' Rainbows, Rockin' Rainbows, Rockin' Rainbows (Woo!)"

So this past week was the second JH week, the Best Week of The Summer, and the final week of regular campers and counselors. We had 206? campers this week, which is pretty much maximum capacity. It was pretty crazy Monday morning trying to park that many cars (4 rows!) while chatting with friends and directing people who can't read simple signs. Any-way, it was a pretty long, tiring, but overall satisfying week. There was some drama (as always), laughs, tears, and pain (burnt kitchen worker, a bruised and a torn counselor, pudding-fearing kitchen workers, and a split family).
So yeah, I didn't get to see much of the chapels this week. In fact, I don't think I saw any of them the entire way through. I was too busy with various things. Thankfully this week, one of our volunteers, Ty, was assigned to maintenance for the entire week. He was really a giant help, I don't think we could have pulled off all the stuff we did this week if it wasn't for him-especially Thursday. Every Best week (except for one year) there's a game of Toiletbowl-Ball, which is basically ultimate Frisbee with a beanbag as the disc and toilets as the goals. It was really fun for every one, even the people placed in cheer-leading, security, and homecoming. During the halftime show, all us maintenance, errand girls, and executive staff did a "Hi, my name is... my testimony is... and a funny story is... " and I got Kanye'd by Katie B for my funny story! Oh well, it was entertaining.
This next week starts family camp, which means that most of the counselors have gone bye-bye. I'm sad to see them go but glad for the memories I have with them. I think I'm going to have to come back next year just to make more. I have no idea what to expect this coming week, but it should be interesting.
Text me when you're bored, pray for me when you have time.

WILAC VI

-Not everyone knows what Converse are
-Mouthwash can make even trash smell good
-When I say "eyeballs," you say "click"
-"Elbow it!"
-It's Christmas in July
-Rolling mean constant contact with the table!
-Ish is too strong for shovels
-I'm laughing at the situation
-Wicked jams in the kitchen are awesome
-As the gas goes down, the fish goes up
-Grocery stores don't sell nails
-Hand-squeezed juice
-All of Ish's troubles could have been avoided with two blue slushies
-Mowers can go up 45 degree hills without tipping
-Sodium hyopchlorate > bleach
-"It's like I'm taking a bath in a cough drop"
-"Jesus be tripping"
-Can I-Maaaaay I?
-"I'm still all sudsy!"
-"ROY *clapclap, clapclap* G *clapclap, clapclap* BIV *clapclap, clapclap* ROYGBIV, Noah built the ark so the animals could live"
-"It's like spiders went crazy and had a war in your hair"
-And somewhere in the distance, a cow moo'd
-Boating in the shower
-"That's a creepy hole"

So, this week was the first of the Junior High weeks, with a total of 88 campers (50-50 guy-girl), which is good because the low numbers were easier to deal with. next week...*gulp* has 221 campers signed up (220 is about the camp limit) and we accept walk-ins. Soooo Monday will be an interesting day seeing as how we're going to have to park all those cars, find beds for all the campers, and set up almost 300 chairs along with all our other tasks....oi...
So yes, prayer will be greatly appreciated
Anyways, I don't really have any super-special, dramatic epiphany or anything this week. The week was long, hard, fun, crazy, and all-around awesome, but nothing spectacular (although that means that nothing catastrophic happened either). Oh, we had a reader's/dinner theater, which for those of you who don't know is just like a normal dinner theater, except the cast is always reading from a script, even when on stage. It went off really well, and I can't wait to see it again this week.
This Sunday we're in for a treat. The board is giving us a special dinner (steak) tonight, and we have some other special things going on.
...which reminds me, I have to go pack;
Caio!

WILAC V

-If there's enough, you can sweep water
-Cabin 19 has had a leaky roof
-A frayed knot
-1, 2, 3, eyes on me
-Nursey can rock it on the guitar
-I need a belt
-"Flood" is spelled with an "i"
-1, 2, eyes on you! (yes, sometimes it takes just that long)
-Glow sticks can explode
-So can pipes
-Every week is unique (+5 rhyming points)
-Puddle jumping is fun
-Skirts can be used to hide water balloons
-I know where something hidden is
-Mud sliding is dirty
-Tar is hard to get off your hands
-If I ever do have kids, I hope they're girls
-The song game is fun
-Shaylem and Emily are deathly afraid (knot) of snakes
-Something bad was supposed to happen on Friday
-I love drama
-Next best thing to candles: bubbles
-When it rains, it pours

So, this week was junior week two, same ages as last week but with over 140 kids this time (max capacity is a little over 200). It rained most of the week with showers hitting all days except Thursday, which allowed for splash games to still take place. Wednesday evening was the worst of the storm, with the water coming down in sheets with wind gusts of up to 40 miles per hour (and me, Doug, Adam, Christian, and Emily D were all standing in the gazebo taking it head-on (someone was too scared to come out of her cabin)). The other days, it just kind of drizzled for most of the day. Personally, I love the rain, the sight, the sound, the thunder and lightning, the smell afterwords, pretty much anything to do with rain. The management staff did a great job working around/through the weather though, and the counselors must have loved it since they got to spend more time with their campers (hopefully it was love). The only really bad parts about the rain were the fact that the basement of the Tab flooded, and the fires for s'mores wouldn't light right. So, yeah, that's the first part of the "rains/pours" I have.
The second part is centered around the fact that this was the second hardest week of my life, the first being fishing camp, which I'm sure a few of you have heard about. Anyhow, given the intense weather, drama which both involved me directly and not, and a few complications I don't want to share publicly until I deal with it privately (isn't there a verse in Matthew that says to deal with the person responsible first?). Nevertheless, this was a long, hard, tiring week, not only for me but for all of the staff. What set this week apart from all the other lousy weeks in my life was the fact that it was worth the struggle. I grew closer to my friends at camp, and even those who I don't normally talk to. I lost another 3 pounds (making the summer total 21-blackjack!) even though I was eating more this week than normal (care package from my aunt). I also learned how to replace sinks.
Today, or it might have been yesterday... I was reading another staffer's weekly update (she has so much more detail than I do) and in it was the phrase "Life's not about waiting for the storms to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." That phrase really called out to me this week (not just because of the literal rain and all the fun we had in it) and it encouraged me. I'm a sort-of opportunist; if I see a time to do something and have the ability, I will do it (sort of like kleptomania). However, this phrase takes it to a bigger picture aspect. I realized I need to take it a little bit more relaxed and just enjoy the moments as they come, no worrying about college, romance, stories, or anything like that untill after camp, and even then I'll still take it slow. Thank you Mariah (and as a thanks, I spelled your name right)
So yeah, next week is Jr. High Week I, with a total of 85 campers so far. This week will definitely be easier. Can't wait to give you guys an update. Oh-and I'm now past the half-way point for the camp season! Only four more weeks to go...four weeks? oi...

WILAC IV

What I learned at camp: Junior Week I

-Emily S. is a trashcan-ninja
-I am the lobsterman
-Shaylem is a cat
-The fire will put out the rain
-Razor blades are sharp (triple cream and a bandaid!)
-I can single-handedly harm myself more in one day than the entire previous two weeks
-I got a 5 on the AP English exam
-Danielle and Shaylem should never have caffeine or sugar
-There's never ever ever ever ever been a show like Veggie Tales
-I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves...
-Mike can't Kayak
-The lifeguards are all non-swimmers
-What happens when we over-load the trailer
-Clotheslines are valuable property
-My name is JC
-Friends change

So, this week was the first week of the Junior duo, ages 8-10. it was a lot easier than the two previous weeks, especially last week (if you don't remember, I went home sick from the heat). Maintenance-wise, we had no real problems or drama, a couple toilets clogged the last day, but other than that it was fine. The kids were great-I keep getting the cabin full of angels, apparently. The weather was fine too, a little rain at the beginning and end of the week that helped keep it cool. The activities went off without a hitch, well, except for me getting soaked during the water games...thank you Emily. The speaker for the main assemblies was good, he kept the services active. In one, he had all of us line up on the lower field to mark out the demensions of the ark (Man that thing was long). The one who did the nature trails and out staff devos spoke from II Peter about being content in all situations, and how prosperity can actually become more negative than hardship. All-in-all, it was an enjoyable, active-yet-easy week, and i can't wait for Junior II.
So, onto the major topic (which if you've noticed, is the last line of the list): friends. I like how I handle my friends; I have a core group whom I can do any and everything with, another, larger, group who I can go around and talk to naturally about stuff and hang out with them (I call them my peripherites), and then there is the last group, those who are more acquaintances than friends. Personally, I love this because I love being able to slide between groups and hear the different reactions, ideas, opinions, and everything else (I love knowing things), but I also love having those few who as soon as something's up, we all know.
So anyhow, this past year, I noticed how much my friends were shifting. The people who I thought would be my closest friends ended up not, and a few people surprised me by how close we became. Even this past week at camp I noticed this trend. The people who, at first, I thought I would spend the most time with, I have barely talked to since staff training, and those who I am spending the most time with, I never would have thought. I mean, don't get me wrong; they're awesome and I wouldn't trade them for anyone else. Although, I laugh as I think them over. There's a bearded redneck who (we decided) is dangerously immature, a (what was the word?) petite blonde who is only a little evil on the inside (I blame her nekomimi (look it up) traits), a pouty brunette who loves annoying me, and a skirt-wearing errand girl who was mistaken for a trashcan (yeah...).
Well, hopefully I'll find another insane group like this at college (already found one) and that those who I have now will stay close to me. To all of you who read this, thank you for being such great friends to me, and I hope I've been good to you too.

WILAC III

What I Learned At Camp, mark III (although some of them are just quotes)

-Muscles are measured in bananas
-The pastor shoots like a drug addicted watermelon
-Pears>grapes in a food flinging contest (was actually last week)
-Welcome to Red Lobster, home of the Red Lobster. Can I take your order?
-"Do you have some of those...what are they called? polytheistic rings?"
-I am apparently immune to paintballs
-There's a four-sting version of Relient K, and they sound awesome
-150 Lumens is enough
-Nursey can be bribed (as can I)
-Montana is a lie
-Cardboard is heavy when wet
-I should have brought my swim trunks
-Leia is now blind in her right eye, wait, what? now she also has a "broken" foot?
-It is entirely possible to drop a pen in a fan
-Having "Sunny With a High of 75" on a day where the temperatures reach 116 F isn't nice.
-Said high temperatures plus a head cold equals not-niceness
-Senior highers are the real precious jewels.

Okay, so this past week was the one and only Senior high week with possibly record-high temperatures (I have a picture on my phone of the thermometer reading 106 F at 10am). I had only been a camper during Sr. High week once, and I don't really remember most of it (too many mangas I guess). So it was...an experience. Unfortunately, I missed the end of it due to being majorly sick and going home Friday night, so I missed the bonfire and a few other things. I still feel a little iffy so please pray for me this coming week that I might fully recover quickly.
So, ignoring the heat and the sickness, my reactions to this past week? I now realize why so many of the "older" generations look down on my age group so much. True, I have gone to a private Christian school for all of my high school career, so I may have seen the better side of people, but some of the people I met, I was almost ashamed to have shook (shook or shaken?) hands with them. Now, I did not actually meet a lot of the campers, but I must have encountered most of the guys in the course of bathroom cleaning. Some of them have no respect at all. At one point, a kid who had alread been warned against disrespectful behavior was making a mess in the sink while we were cleaning, Christian (the other maintenance worker who knows way more than I do) told him he was going to have to wipe the shaving cream of the counter. So what does the kid do? He looks Christian straight in the eye and dumps shaving cream on the floor. Now, I did meet several people who were kind, courteous, and fun, although strangely not one of them was male...
Anyways, I was talking about it on the ride home with my mom (and I was strangely lucid due to a dose of NyQuil) and she said that one of the reasons is because her generation never fully instilled manners into the current generation. Now, that could be part of it, but I've been thinking about it over the past couple of days and I've come up with a blanket, albeit grim, assessment: The world is just plain evil. Now, I'm not talking full-scale Hitler-evil in every one, but doesn't the Bible say we're all inherently evil? Now, here we run into a controversy in whether a person can be "good" without being saved. Without going into any length, I say yes. So is it just a flawed spirit that makes people jerks? I don't know, I know many Christians that are meaner than atheists I've met. Meh, i guess all we can do is be a good example and not let them get to us.
So, next week is a jump to the first Junior week, which is ages...8-12, IIRC? It's the next age group down from Jr. High. It should be a relief, since I get along better with that age group, and the only bathroom issue will be the rush during Shower Day. So yeah, drop me a line if you have time, I feel like the only one I've talked to from home this summer's Heather.

What I learned at camp II

What I learned at camp, this week:
-Never sand towards yourself
-Anything can be fixed with bailing twine, bleach, or ducttape
-What we have here is a failure to communicate
-If it ain't dirty, don't fix it
-Three ingredients to a BYC BBQ: Gas, a match, and lots of running distance
-Apparently, tornadoes can happen in central NY
-Every kitchen member freezes momentarily under a code blue (safety inspector)
-Tuesday is apparently random singing day
-Maria shouldn't drive the EZGo (just kidding)
-I shouldn't be allowed on failblog because I just wasted a half hour when I was supposed to be writing this...
-Mentally handicapped people are no different than the rest of us

So another week has gone by, and another lesson has been learned (I think). Well, I'm not sure; this week didn't leave me with as great an impression as last week. Anyway, this week was Precious Jewels week, the mentally handicapped week at camp (actually, it was the 40th anniversary of when the PJ program started) and it went off without any major hitches. Well, there was a tornado Monday (no damage done), and our assistant cook, who majorly runs the kitchen, has his dominant arm in a sling and isn't supposed to be in the kitchen anymore. My cabin's campers were fine. We had no problems with missing or belligerent campers, no bed wetting (sorry cabin 3!), and there was only one mess in the lav, and even that wasn't really bad. All in all, it was a fairly mellow week, just draining (we moved a lot of tables and chairs).
Every camper there seemed to be pretty coherent. When I was sitting through the training, i was picturing people who could barely function, but they seemed fine, just limited. A few of them couldn't talk well, others had motor skill problems, but only a handful (if that) seemed actually "disabled." I guess that's how it is in the real world.
Why are people so ignorant?
Anyhow, next week is the single Senior High week, dubbed "Precious Jewels Week II" by most of the staff, and I'm only semi-looking forward to it. Apparently, the campers don't respect the facilities, and I'm not crazy about reffing paintball as a guy... Well, it should be an experience nonetheless. Drop me a line if you need, no promises on a response though.

First Poem

Hey yo, I realized I never actually put this up here. For those of you who don't know, I wrote this poem for the National League of American Pen Women's 55th annual poetry contest. With it, I won first place in my category (High school), which garnered me publication in the Post Standard, a bookmark, a certificate, and a $50 savings bond (currently worth $25). I wrote it near the end of the year while I was cleaning my room. (Some of you have actually seen said blanket)
Enjoy!


Packing Childhood

I knew not until I left, how difficult it would be
To live apart, out on my own.
The only thing that remains is (memories)
A tousled, musty orange, forlorn
Blanket hung upon my bedpost and fallen to the floor.
It shivered slightly in the breeze from the open door,
Waving, beckoning me back to childhood (wear it as a cape,
Build a fort, forget your chores, create a magic trick).
I take it and, folding, clutch it tight.
(The receiving Christmas, the first tear, stitch, and mend)
Still feeling her warm embrace, the scent of jasmine and sage,
(The smile upon her face during the summer dates)
With these, I am not alone.
I inhale, and am home.

What I learned at camp so far

What I learned this week at Camp Bayouca:
Always drink your juice
Leia will marry someone named Lando Vader
I'm almost a dead-center personality type (technically a combination of a Golden Retriever/Otter)
Diesel engines are much different than gas
Swamp walks are disgusting, yet team-building
Kitchens are hot
Weed whacking is difficult
Always drink your juice
Bonfires are hot (especially when you're standing on the hot edge of it)
When rowing back to the dock, it helps to lift the anchor
Every one is horrid at trashcan free-throws except Ish
There are a lot of random words that trigger songs in my head
it was Jessica Jenne's birthday Thursday many times over
The diving board's only rated to 200lbs.
Croyish is an amazing team (apparently unlike the U.S. soccer team...go Slovakia)
Always drink your juice
I was there for the entirely wrong reasons
So, at first I was going to camp just because it was a job at a place I liked to pay for my text books. I also thought that if I lost a little weight and gained a little muscle, it wouldn't be a bad thing. When I arrived, however, I realized all that was wrong. Now even though I don't necessarily agree completely with some of their doctrine (nothing that will cause a problem), I do see the amazing potential for God's movement in that camp. Thursday, I had a complete melt-down over the stress and tiredness and, mostly thanks to the other maintenance worker, Christian, I realized my error and have begun to remedy it. Well, it wasn't just Christian, it was also Kattie and Lindsy's never-fading smiles, John and Danielle's drive to always work, late-night theological discussions with James, and everyone else.
Anyhow, I'm better now. committed to working for God and for the campers and not myself. I know it'll be hard (oh, I'm sweeping, mopping, running around, cleaning bathrooms and doing any other sort of fix or manual labor) but I'm committed. Next week is Precious Jewels Week, the mentally handicapped week, and I'm a little scared. I've never really worked with MH people before, and I'm scared I'll do something wrong. After that it's Senior high week, which shouldn't be too bad. then it gets really easy with two weeks of Junior camp. Then a round of Junior high and finish with two weeks of Family camp. All in all, a busy, yet rewarding summer.
Oh, if you need to contact me, I won't have my computer, but I'll have my phone. Unfortunately, I don't have much time of good signal, or much time. So I'll check it on breaks and respond, but a full conversation would be rare. if you don't have a cell, you can email me at 3154067562@vtext.com and it'll appear as a text on my phone (limit 140 characters)
I'll have a new update next Saturday!

Last thoughts

So, yeah, I've just finished cleaning out my room today (well, it's been week-long project) and I kept getting the strangest feeling when I was done. I didn't feel like my room anymore; it felt more like a hotel room that happened to have my stuff in it. I felt almost like I didn't belong. Is this what leaving for college feels like? I want to just skip all this transitioning. I want to jump to my own apartment, my own job, and (if at all possible) my own friends and girlfriend. This whole college thing? Why's it have to be so weird?
Anyhow, I'm done here for the week. Tomorrow I leave to be at Le Moyne for two days for orientation (Still bummed I miss Michelle's Graduation party). No clue what's actually going to happen, so it might be interesting. Then, I pack Sunday night to leave at the crack of dawn Monday morning to work for nine weeks. I'll be home from about noon Saturday to supper Sunday night, just enough to to update and get updated. This'll be my main outlet and I'll be posting the links on FaceBook. Not much more to say right now, I'll just leave with a song that'd been playing in my head since I finished cleaning/packing away. just wish I could come to terms with this thinking.

Upon graduation

thoughts that occurred to me, on this, the final day of finals.

Wow, haven't updated my status in a while.
School's over, but my mind's in denial.
It feels so anti-climatic,
Yet not without being melodramatic.
I'm done, finished, finito,
Time to eat my last Frito.

Annoyance

Oh, alarm clock at my side,
How you doth annoy my mind to no end.
You wake me from from my dreams,
And steal away my joyous respite.
Thy alarum drives me insane,
And bores deeply into my brain.
Without you, it is true
That my life would be more chaos then good,
But some day, I may just defenestrate you

Reflections

So, as you can tell I re-formatted my page so that it looks more like my style; let me know if it is too hard to read.
I'm just lying here, on my bed, listening to the wind in the leaves outside and I can"t help but think I'm supposed to be saying something profound...
(Five minutes later)
I can't think of anything, that's sad.
I ordered me a little, 7" USB monitor for my comp today with my graduation money. I've been waning one for a while.
I really feel like I should be saying something important.
Maybe it'll come to me after some more caffeine.

Trial

So, today i decided that I'd try all the new Google features, gMail, iGoogle, Blogger, etc. Basically I'm trying to do all I can to stay in touch with people, and since I'm only home for the weekends in the summer, a blog seemed like a good way to do it.
So that explains what this is.
But Marc, what's all that about Google?
Well random questioner who never seems to disappear from my head (note, "disappear" does not come up on the spelling suggestions for "disapear"), I created a gmail account, bookwriter.swordfighter@gmail.com. And i linked it to my roadrunner account, and I'll link it to my college account once I receive that too.
So yeah, this is my first trial-post. i am happy to see that this supports html encoding, now I just need to see which type (please be 2!).
That's is for now.